1. The trial of top-level FDLR officials in Europe begins; tea and cucumber sandwiches served to show solidarity with the judicial system in the Great Lakes.
2. President of Burundi announces 5,000 fake ‘ghost’ civil servant have been detected in the national system; dismisses commonality of last name with majority of ghost workers as coincidence.
3. Rwanda announces it will eventually summon American lawyer Erlinder to report ford defending opposition leaders and breaking bail, displaying its prowess of international diplomatic bluffing techniques.
4. Kabila sacks Minister of Transportation after horrific boat accident last week; Minister decides to take car home instead of traveling by river.
5. Opposition leader in the DCR Etienne Tshisekedi calls for civil disobedience and a Kinshasa-based reality TV show if Kabila doesn’t stand down after his mandate finishes.