1. UN officials provide support to local Congolese courts to charge army officials with rape; sodas and per diem distributed.
2. Lawyers of FDLR leader in Hague request his release from detention until trial begins so that all FDLR leaders can party together in Dutch discos while waiting legal proceedings.
3. Ex-Georgian prime minister and current head of Bank of Kigali announces the bank expects huge profit and will now serve traditional Georgian food to individuals waiting in line.
4. Veterinary group asserts that humans give Rwandan mountain gorillas deadly virus in addition to flash-induced tourism blindness.
5. Americans and French caught for gold smuggling in Eastern Congo pay 3 million dollar fine and 10 goats for freedom.