This Week in the Great Lakes

1. Rwandan National Elections Committee announces four official presidential candidates: Paul Kagame, Paul Kagame’s best friend, Paul Kagame’s other best friend, and Paul Kagame’s friend’s dogsitter.

2. Burundi’s old wartime weapons now used in family fueds; NGOs advocate ‘don’t use front of gun with loved ones, use butt of gun to grind millet.’

3. Kabila and Kagame kick it in Kinshasa for the Congolese Independence; Rwanda happy to help manage the Eastern part of the country.

4. Mbuti Pygmies in Congolese rain forests threatened by increased trade in bushmeat; pygmies try and don’t like substitute of nutella subsidized by international NGOs.

5. Burundi opposition parties will continue to boycott upcoming legislative elections; claim, who needs a parliament to legislate?

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